The Preterist Blog ~ 100% Hyperpreterist Free|we can haz rezurekshun?

I have this piece written by Automatthew posted here but figured it would be interesting to post here as well.

Someone who is considered an Authority prophesies a certain event to come. The prophecy reads, in part, “On the day of the great event, a purple cow’s hide will be displayed for everyone to see.”

Two schools of interpretation soon arise with very different ideas of the prophecy’s meaning; on one side, the Globalists; on the other, the Sacrificialists. The Globalists believe that, on the day in question, the whole sky over the entire world will have the appearance of purple fur. The Sacrificialists believe that a purple cow will be sacrificed and flayed, and the hide will be nailed to the roof of a Volkswagen Beetle and driven to the town square “for everyone to see.” The Globalists hold that the day of the great event has not yet arrived, but the Sacrificialists believe that the day has long since come and gone.

Now I, the ignorant observer, cannot judge between the interpretations because I am not sufficiently familiar with the prophecy or the history of the society. But I can fairly judge whether or not the arguments of each side are being addressed by the other side. Here’s how the Globalists are arguing:

G: “How can the Great Event have already happened? Wouldn’t you remember if the sky had turned into purple fur in your lifetime? And wouldn’t you expect that at least one historian would write at least an entry in his diary saying, “Ho hum, boring day. Oh, yes, the sky did briefly turn purple and furry today.”?

S: “No, you don’t understand. The great event that was prophesied did not involve a purple, furry sky. I can say that the great event has already passed because we believe that the prophecy concerns the sacrifice of a purple cow and the subsequent display of the cow’s hide. This happened in 1963, shortly after the Beatles first number 1 single.”

G: “So you think that the Great Event took place within living memory, in the 1960s? So why didn’t the Beatles write a song about it? This is the Great Event, you know. Why wasn’t the whole world talking about it?”

S: “Because the sacrifice and flaying of a purple cow in Abilene, Texas, is not considered to be a noteworthy event in most of the rest of the world. Maybe PETA would be interested, but who else?”

G: “But, dude, the Great Event would have been seen by the whole world, because the whole sky turned purple and furry. Don’t you remember how the prophecy says “a cow’s hide will be displayed for all to see?”

In short, the Globalists are not just begging a question, they’re begging the root question, i.e. “What does the prophecy say is going to happen.”

Dispensationalists: You’re begging the root question. If the preterists’ interpretation of Olivet and Revelation is correct, then asking why the whole world didn’t realize that the prophecies had been fulfilled is foolish. “But their interpretation is not correct,” you say. That’s begging the question.